Hey Parker, you should take a lesson from Jay McInerney. Number one -- he seems to actually have an extensive palate. Number two, he uses Eric Claption songs in his analogies for wine (which in turn makes him sound much less douche-y then you). And, finally -- number three, he's INTERESTING. You, my friend -- are a big fat yawn. Check out Bacchus & Me, by Mr. McInerney and maybe you'll pick up a few pointers.
From the "Tough Love -- Oregon Pinot" chapter --
"What you don't actually taste from Oregon is that hint of actual dirt that Burgundy freaks believe to be that funky soul of their beloved -like sweat on a handkerchief- the deep, signature Cote d'Or grit, which can be as distinctive as the loamy growl of a Delta bluesman. (Funny how the French wines tend to posses the exact quality that their so called popular music notoriously lacks.) Let's say that in recent years Oregon Pinot Noir has been a little like Clapton playing "Crossroads". It ain't exactly Robert Johnson. But, it's more danceable. And the '98 vintage may well be Oregon's "Layla"."